Before I post any of the good stuff that happened during Manchester Pride 2018, I thought I’d get the bad stuff out of the way. I’m gonna do this in two posts so the main post holds a positive tone.
I feel like I’ve completely let myself down for the 6-8 months before Pride, and even more so during Pride. I have let the opinions of other people destroy who I am and I don’t like it. I’ve never really cared about what people say online, but away from the internet is a completely different story, or has been at least.
Although I went ‘full time’ in 2015, I’m still not where I need to be. There’s still certain clothes I avoid wearing outside, even more so with shoes… I wear one or two pairs of almost 20 outside.
I’ve never had a problem with presenting how I’m completely comfortable at Pride though, not until this year. I couldn’t bring myself to dress any sort of ‘pretty’, instead I chose to wear bare minimum make up and the most casual and neutral clothes I’d packed. Pretty much no effort was made and that is on me. I’d spent an hour or two trying to convince myself that nobody was going to hurl insults at me if I wore my heels, failed to talk myself into it and was then approached by a man that told me his feels were killing his feet. (Yes, he was wearing heels) – Talk about salt in the wound.. He was killing it and me, a (trans) woman, couldn’t bring myself to wear my own! Ugh.
Oh, it rained all night the first night I was in Manchester so we spent the majority of the night in the hotel. This didn’t help with giving me the confidence to go all out on the Saturday.
This entry has turned into a total rant, I could have just kept it short and said “my confidence sucked, I failed at being proud and it rained a lot”, but that wouldn’t have been a very exciting post! There is a lot of positives about that weekend though, I’ll talk about them in the next post.
I will end this entry with this though.. I came away from Pride with a whole new level of confidence, I’m pretty determined to keep my head held high now, only I can make progress happen.