Since coming out, I’d be very dishonest if I didn’t say that my life has been even more dominated by the idea of gender than it was before I came out, it has been the root of almost every decision I’d made in the first couple of years of being ‘full time’ – a term I’m not really a massive fan of.
It’s to be expected though, I had set myself an aim and made sure I was always doing whatever I could to actually reach that aim. That meant making decisions based on the life I’m pursuing, which of course has everything to do with being transgender. Once I’d reached a point of comfort within myself and with the situation as a whole, it was really tough for me to not wake up and automatically start making my daily decisions based on being transgender and how others will treat me because of it.
A long time ago I had attended college and completed a course in music, which was a lot of fun at the time, but certainly took away any developing passion I had for music. It put pressure on something that I thoroughly enjoyed, which made everything much less enjoyable. I was only 16 at the time so my ‘drive’ hadn’t quite developed at that point.
Last June, I was ridiculously bored and I knew I needed something else in my life to aim for, something that could take my attention away from the constant concerns of being transgender, so I downloaded a software that would allow me to try and create my own music electronically. Within minutes of playing around with the new software, I could feel that ‘flame’ inside myself lighting back up but a lot hotter and brighter than ever before, it’s like I’d right at that moment fallen back in love with music, it was incredible.
10’ish months later and I’m still producing my own music, it has given me one of the greatest gifts anything could give me – release and relief. I’m now focused on music more than I am being transgender, I make a lot of decisions based on my career rather than my ‘problems’ and I wake up thinking about melodies instead of being anxious about other people and their opinions in regards to me being transgender. In less than 3 years I have achieved more than I had achieved from the age of 16 – 25 and I have being honest about who I am and pursuing that to thank for it.
Finding what you’re passionate about and working towards turning your dreams into your reality helps put negative things to the back of the mind, to a point you can live your life how you want to be living it, and can be driven to succeed with what really makes you happy simultaneously.
We all have dreams, not everybody has the drive to pursue them and I don’t want to be part of that statistic, so I’m working towards making mine a reality. Wish me luck!